Strange Kid Never Outgrew Love of Eating Paste

ERIE, PENNSYLVANIA – Brian Leonard, that paste-eating weirdo from fourth grade art class, confesses that he never outgrew his love for consuming the tacky, gooey substance.

“Ever since I first shoved a handful of sticky paste into my mouth, I’ve been an Elmer’s connoisseur,” the 43-year-old accountant said. “I slather it on bread and mix it in soups. But nothing compares with scooping it fresh out of the bottle with that plastic lid-attached applicator.”

Leonard is aware of the stigma attached to his snacking preference, however.

“Getting called ‘weirdo’ and ‘freakazoid’ by kids was one thing,” he says, “but adults are completely close-minded to non-toxic adhesive product consumption.”